The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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