Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize