i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
he shaved USA in his pubs
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
