we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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