I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
