He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
