Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
