on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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