what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
