Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
