oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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