I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
The struggles of a small town man whore
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
