is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
