Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
