We won't sleep together?
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
