Your dad touched me again.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
