she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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