Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
