So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
