Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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