I'm jealous of your bromance
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
