You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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