She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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