p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
