I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
