Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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