Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
