I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
