i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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