1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
