i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
The feeling are messing with the penis
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
