dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
