i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
