I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
