im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
