So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
