Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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