Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
is it fun? or sober?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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