best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
