i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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