..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
