Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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