she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
