so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
