Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
