In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
