Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
