Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
