Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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