I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
