cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
