It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
